Primary Four: Saving Bella
submitted by Melissa Liew Primary 4, 2nd draft
Thank you Melissa, for your work!
This is the original composition received from Melissa.
For the comments & suggestions, please scroll down.
This is the original composition received from Melissa.
For the comments & suggestions, please scroll down.
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First impressions...
When I first read Melissa's composition, I was quite impressed. After all, this is work completed by a 9 - 10 year old child. I particularly enjoyed the descriptive details which are sweet and 'girlish'. This might reflect a little of Melissa's personality, however this is just a guess. There are just a few areas in which she needs to improve on. Else, it's a job well done.
When I first read Melissa's composition, I was quite impressed. After all, this is work completed by a 9 - 10 year old child. I particularly enjoyed the descriptive details which are sweet and 'girlish'. This might reflect a little of Melissa's personality, however this is just a guess. There are just a few areas in which she needs to improve on. Else, it's a job well done.
I hope my feedback and suggestion are useful to both you and your peers!
Looking forward to reading more compositions by Melissa!
Looking forward to reading more compositions by Melissa!