Primary Two: A Good Deed
submitted by WR, Primary 2, Final draft marked by teacher
COMPOSITION EXERCISE (Final Draft - Assessed & Graded)
This composition was written by a Primary Two child and is a school assignment already assessed and graded by his teacher. In order to maintain some anonymity, I've decided to grey out most of his teacher's comments, feedback and marks.
This composition was written by a Primary Two child and is a school assignment already assessed and graded by his teacher. In order to maintain some anonymity, I've decided to grey out most of his teacher's comments, feedback and marks.
Disclaimer: Comments made on the above composition are based on my experience as a teacher and is my personal opinion. If for some reason, these comments appear offensive to any colleague or fellow educator, it is absolutely unintended.
Thank you WR, for your work!
My thoughts:
Firstly, I have never taught lower primary so I hope my ideas are applicable and can help WR and other Primary Two pupils who face similar difficulties when writing.
The first problem appears to be lack of exposure to the appropriate vocabulary. For instance being unable to use words like 'Mrs', 'entrance', 'brand new' ( used 'shiney').
The second problem is inappropriate choice of adjectives / adverbs and a number of spelling mistakes e.g. cried hardly, imediately, anoused, tremblied.
These problems are common in children who come from families who do not use English frequently at home. Since WR is not familiar with these words, it explains why he did not use them correctly. However, despite his limited range of vocabulary, WR is able to develop his story systematically. To me, this clearly displays his potential. I am not sure if he had any help with organizing his story but it unfolds in a logical and well-planned manner.
So my conclusion is this - WR has the ability to write. What he lacks is the vocabulary to express his thoughts clearly. So instead of commenting on his mistakes in the composition, I have decided to re-write his composition (with corrections to his English) while preserving his ideas and organization. WR has a coherent and complete story!!!
Firstly, I have never taught lower primary so I hope my ideas are applicable and can help WR and other Primary Two pupils who face similar difficulties when writing.
The first problem appears to be lack of exposure to the appropriate vocabulary. For instance being unable to use words like 'Mrs', 'entrance', 'brand new' ( used 'shiney').
The second problem is inappropriate choice of adjectives / adverbs and a number of spelling mistakes e.g. cried hardly, imediately, anoused, tremblied.
These problems are common in children who come from families who do not use English frequently at home. Since WR is not familiar with these words, it explains why he did not use them correctly. However, despite his limited range of vocabulary, WR is able to develop his story systematically. To me, this clearly displays his potential. I am not sure if he had any help with organizing his story but it unfolds in a logical and well-planned manner.
So my conclusion is this - WR has the ability to write. What he lacks is the vocabulary to express his thoughts clearly. So instead of commenting on his mistakes in the composition, I have decided to re-write his composition (with corrections to his English) while preserving his ideas and organization. WR has a coherent and complete story!!!
Below is the composition which has been re-written, with minimal changes to content.
Best viewed on FULLSCREEN!
Best viewed on FULLSCREEN!
Approaches:
1) The next thing WR should work on is to build up his vocabulary. The best way to go about this is to read.
- Read independently, underline with pencil unfamiliar words, refer to teacher or parents for help with the words
- Parents to read to WR or if due to busy schedule, parents can record own reading so that child can playback on his own e.g use of voice recorder on mobile phones / tablets
- Parent can consider approaching school teacher for help. Some teachers conduct reading sessions with students before / after school or even during recess.
2) Building appropriate content. I've suggested the following to WR's father:
- Look for a simple piece of composition. Type it out and re-arrange the paragraphs e.g in MS Word. Let WR rearrange the composition in the correct order. This helps him recognize the flow of events and see how details build up a story.
- Next, let him rewrite the story in the correct order. This is why a simple composition is used instead of a complicated one. We do not want the child to be put off with writing. Rewriting will give him a sense of how the content builds the story.
- Finally, remove some words or phrases from the composition e.g. in MS Word and get WR to fill in the blanks. This raises his awareness of words or phases which can be used. Thus widens both content building & vocabulary. Not too many at first. More blanks can be added when he is more confident. You can choose to let him access to the composition or not. It depends on his confidence level.
- When he is more confident, we can try the method with a more advanced piece of writing or parent / teacher can add more advanced vocabulary to aid his progression.
Below is an exercise which I had sent to WR.
1) The next thing WR should work on is to build up his vocabulary. The best way to go about this is to read.
- Read independently, underline with pencil unfamiliar words, refer to teacher or parents for help with the words
- Parents to read to WR or if due to busy schedule, parents can record own reading so that child can playback on his own e.g use of voice recorder on mobile phones / tablets
- Parent can consider approaching school teacher for help. Some teachers conduct reading sessions with students before / after school or even during recess.
2) Building appropriate content. I've suggested the following to WR's father:
- Look for a simple piece of composition. Type it out and re-arrange the paragraphs e.g in MS Word. Let WR rearrange the composition in the correct order. This helps him recognize the flow of events and see how details build up a story.
- Next, let him rewrite the story in the correct order. This is why a simple composition is used instead of a complicated one. We do not want the child to be put off with writing. Rewriting will give him a sense of how the content builds the story.
- Finally, remove some words or phrases from the composition e.g. in MS Word and get WR to fill in the blanks. This raises his awareness of words or phases which can be used. Thus widens both content building & vocabulary. Not too many at first. More blanks can be added when he is more confident. You can choose to let him access to the composition or not. It depends on his confidence level.
- When he is more confident, we can try the method with a more advanced piece of writing or parent / teacher can add more advanced vocabulary to aid his progression.
Below is an exercise which I had sent to WR.
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The above activity is for PERSONAL or NON-COMMERCIAL USE only.
If you intend to use it otherwise, please contact me first and include the necessary attribution.
If you intend to use it otherwise, please contact me first and include the necessary attribution.
As mentioned earlier, I have no experience teaching lower primary so I am not totally certain if this approach is effective. However, this would likely be my approach if I have to teach my own classes. I have used this method, though not in the above manner. Teachers do not have the luxury of time to craft attractive online activities for their students & when I was still teaching, producing such materials was both very expensive and difficult. However, I did this with the 'MS Word way'! : )
I have done a bit more work for WR because I think younger children need lots of encouragement. If a positive attitude towards writing is not established earlier, a child will likely falter and detest writing. That will be a challenge to overcome!
You have the potential, WR! You can do it!
I have done a bit more work for WR because I think younger children need lots of encouragement. If a positive attitude towards writing is not established earlier, a child will likely falter and detest writing. That will be a challenge to overcome!
You have the potential, WR! You can do it!